August of 2016 I decided to start fighting and defeat hell. Elokuu 2016 päätin taistella ja nujertaa helvetin.

10 months later. 10 kuukautta myöhemmin.

10 months

How do we measure success or what is the definiton of success? Money, status, your car? In the picture many see a luxury car and designer clothing but does that really matter?

I would lie if I said that it didn’t matter at all, but things that can’t be seen in the photograph matter much more than any car or clothing. Success mean something totaly different from what many see in the picture.

Financially I have built my way up from the so to say ghetto to a highend neighbourhood and I have lost everything you can financially loose, but still I say I am very successful. Even if I lost everything financially and lost the spark for living and nothing mattered anymore, I still consider myself very successful in business, as one of my clients that I have had since the year 2000 is still with me. When I was on the bottom and didin’t believe in myself and didn’t get anything done, they still believed in me and trusted me and we are still walking a path together, that is a small taste of what it means to be successful in business.

When we look at our personal life, can success be measured with money and materialistic things? Sure it gives a hint of something but as in business, it’s not the only way to define success. I say your money or networth is only a very small part of defining your success in life.

In my personal life I have built myself financially from the ghetto to a financially very strong position and lost it all, but in the end it’s only money, it comes and goes and all other things in life are much more important when defining the success of your life. I have had the honor of loving someone and the honor to be loved, I have friends who have helped me when I was in distress.

After loosing a small and innocent angel, I was not able to love anything or anyone even if I wanted to, I just didn’t know how anymore, during that time I have broken many things while trying to survive hell.

Last august (2016) I had a picture of me taken, because I made a decision to fight even harder to get through hell and survive and learn to love again. It wasn’t easy as I thought that the 4 past years were hard but life hit me to my knees and I realized that the following 6 months where much harder then the past 4 years together. Maybe partly because when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel the going get’s even tougher and partly because the past 4 years I lived in a kind of a blur or fog. I think it was a selfprotection mechanism, because I wasn’t ready to confront life.

When I made the decision to confront life I started seing clearly, I wasn’t running anyomre, no blurry or foggy life, but I looked straight in the eyes of life and started fighting.

Many thought I would never get back on my feet and some have even said it to me straight to my face that I will never get myself in shape menthally and financially.

Against all odds, even if it took almost 5 years and the last 10 months of it was a battle where I looked straight in the eyes of life and hell, I did it, I made mission impossible mission possible and even if I’m step by step walking through the uknown, I’m not afraid anymore. Because the unknown is easy compared to the battles where I defeated hell.

Believe in yourself, you all are beautiful and handsome, you are brave and even if life is hard once a while remember to love life no matter what.

10 kuukautta

Miten menestystä mitataan tai mikä on menestyksen mittari? Raha, status, auto? Monet näkevät kuvassa hienon auton ja hienot vaatteet mutta onko sillä mitään merkitystä? Valehtelisin jos sanoisin että sillä ei ole mitään merkitystä, mutta muut asiat mitä kuvassa ei näy ovat paljon tärkeimpiä kun mikään auto tai vaate. Menestyminen tarkoittaa jotain ihan muuta kun mitä monet kuvasta näkevät.

Taloudellisesti oon lähiöistä rakentanut itteni Kulosaareen ja menettänyt kaiken mitä rahallisesti voi menettää, kuitenkin sanoisin että olen siitä huolimatta edelleen menestynyt. Vaikka menetin kaiken taloudellisesti ja kadotin kipinän ja millään ei ollut merkitystä niin bisneksessä menestyksen mittari itsellä on se että asiakas joka ollut vuodesta 2000 alkaen on edelleen asiakkaana ja vaikka pohjalla ollessani en itse uskonut itseeni enkä saanut mitään aikaan he kuitenkin uskoivat ja luottivat minuun ja edelleen kuljemme heidän kanssaan yhteistä polkua, siinä pieni pinta raapaisu menestyksen mittarista bisneksessä.

Jos katsotaan henkilökohtaista elämää, voiko rahalla ja materialla mitata menestystä, toki se kertoo jotain, mutta taas kuten bisneksessäkin, se ei ole ainoa asia millä menestystä voi mitata. Itse sanoisin että raha on hyvin pieni osuus menestymisestä elämässä.

Olen henkilökohtaisessa elämässä rakentanut lähiöstä itselleni vahvan taloudellisen tilanteen ja menettänyt kaiken, mutta se on kuitenkin vain rahaa, sitä tulee ja menee, kaikki muut asiat elämässä on paljon tärkeimpiä menestyksen mittareita. Olen saanut rakastaa ja saanut kunnian olla rakastettu mulla on ystäviä jotka ovat auttaneet hädän tulessa. Pienen rakkaan enkelin menetyksen jälkeen en oo pystynyt enkä osannut rakastaa vaikka olisin niin halunnut tehdä, paljon asioita olen rikkonut sinä aikana kun oon koittanut selvitä läpi helvetin.

Viime elokuussa kun mulla oli synttärit niin otettiin kuva, koska päätin että taistelen entistä vahvemmin päästäkseni helvetistä pois ja oppiakseni rakastamaan. Se ei ollut helppoa, luulin että takana olleet 4 vuotta olivat vaikeita mutta elämä löi maihin ja huomasin että viimeinen puoli vuotta oli vaikeampi kun aikaisemmat 4 vuotta yhteensä. Ehkä osittain siksi että loppusuoran häämöttäessä peli kovenee ja osittain siitä että edelliset 4 vuotta elin jonkinlaisessa sumussa. Sanoisin, että se oli itsesuojelumekanismi, koska en ollut valmis kohtaamaan asioita.

Kun elokuun jälkeen päätin kohdata asiat ja näin jälleen kirkkaasti, en enää paennut, en enää nähnyt sumua, vaan katsoin elämää suoraan silmiin ja aloin taistelemaan. Moni ei uskonut minun ikinä nousevan jaloilleni jotkut sanoneet jopa suoraan päin naamaa etten ikinä tule nousemaan ja saamaan itteni henkisesti ja taloudellisesti kuntoon.
Toisin kävi, vaikka siihen meni lähes 5 vuotta ja viimeiset 10 kk oli taistelua katsoen elämää ja helvettiä suoraan silmiin niin mä tein sen, mission impossiblesta tuli mission possible ja vaikka askel askeleelta olen matkaalla kohti tuntematonta niin en sitä pelkkää koska tuntematon on kesyä verrattuna taisteluihin joilla nujersin helvetin. Uskokaa itseenne, olette kauniita ja komeita, olette rohkeita ja vaikka joskus olisi vaikeaa niin kaikesta huolimatta rakastakaa elämää.

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